I wrote a general post about New Year’s Resolutions. I published it here. Then I lost not only that post but my entire site. It happened at a good time, I suppose, since I am participating in a Blogathon this weekend. At least all of those hours will count for something. I literally spent the entire day recovering everything, well except my last post. I am resolutely marching forward! I will re-write and post that entry in time. However first, I will conquer a new entry.
Much has been written over the years about learning to say, “No.” Many people struggle with over-commitment. They struggle with time management. They purposefully practiced learning how to say, “No”. Years ago, I went through that process. Today saying, “No” to others, when the request requires time away from my family and my calling, is relatively easy. However, that was not always the case. My default answer, in times past, was a resounding “Yes”.
If our default for others is “Yes” and only with practice do we learn to set boundaries and say, “No”. Why then do we have no trouble repeating that word over and over to our children? “May I watch a movie?” “No.” “May I eat cake for breakfast?” “No.” “May I have a friend over tomorrow?” “No.”
This year I am learning to say “Yes”. For those of you who don’t know me, let me assure you I am not one to let my children run our household. They will not be eating cake for breakfast every morning because we do not have cake in the house that often. The left-over birthday cake, however will be consumed at some point. Why not let them eat it for breakfast the next morning, along with their oatmeal or eggs? There are even positives to this scenario. The sugar high comes first thing in the morning, with chores next on their routine, instead of late in the evening when it is time to calm down and prepare for bed.
“May I have a friend over, Mom? In the past, as I look beyond my child’s head into his room which looks like a tornado came through it, I would have automatically uttered, “No, your room is a disaster area.” This year I will reply, “Yes, but you’ll have to play outside” or “Yes, as soon as you get your room picked up” more often, instead of the automatic, “No”.
Will I say, “Yes” every time? No, of course not. There are plenty of times when, “No” has to be uttered when rearing children. Ultimately that is exactly why it is important to learn to say, “Yes” when “No” is unnecessary, “No” will necessarily be uttered thousands of times before children are grown. “No”, though necessary, and even critical, it is a negative word. Negativity seems to spread like wildfire. Thus countering it with a simple, positive yes, when possible, changes the atmosphere. You are not convinced? Interestingly, in twenty-four days, I see changes in my children due to this New Year’s Resolution. Amazingly, they accept and respect my “No’s” much more readily now I am learning to say, “Yes”.
Do you find yourself saying, “No” out of convenience or habit?. Do you tend to be negative by nature? I challenge you to make this one small change in your home this year. When your children ask something of you, before you utter the habitual, “No” pause and reflect if “Yes” would be a better answer for your relationship with your child. Again, I am not advocating violating your standards or letting your children run your home. I am just asking you to pause a few seconds and purposefully reply instead of automatically responding without thinking. I look forward to hearing how this affects your relationship with your children.
© Machelle Baker 2014
Machelle is a native Texan who values liberty. She has homeschooled six of her children at some point during their educational experience. She continues to home educate the youngest two. One way she expresses her passion for helping others is as a Crisis Chaplain. Some of the disasters to which she has deployed and ministered at are: the Bastrop, TX wildfire (2011), the West, TX plant explosion (2013), the Moore, OK F5 tornado (2013), and the Central Texas flood (October 2013), the Memorial Day Blanco River flood (2015), Hurricane Harvey (2017), the Sutherland Springs church shooting (2017), and most recently the El Paso Wal-Mart shooting (2019). She also currently serves a Regional Deputy Commander for the International Fellowship of Chaplains.
January 28, 2014 @ 8:22 pm
Beautiful post, and right on target. This is one of the things I learned while living there in Austin, mostly out of a realization that kids NEED more kid time in order for them to be ABLE to behave and sit still when that is required. In order for things to stay calm and my children’s behavior to be reasonably good, they need the down time – and so do I. Thanks for sharing, and thanks for linking up with Christian Fellowship Friday!
DaLynn McCoy recently posted…Sharing Your Childhood: Christian Music
January 28, 2014 @ 9:03 pm
Thanks DaLynn. Also, thanks for inviting me to the Blogathon – and congratulations on your win. I learned some interesting things. It was fun too!
Machelle recently posted…The Faces of Vibrant Life Ministries
January 31, 2014 @ 8:48 am
Hmmm…you have given me a lot to think about here. Honestly, I am kind of a “no” mom, but I never really thought about it this way before. Thanks!
Brandy recently posted…Booklovers Anonymous: The Night at the Museum
January 31, 2014 @ 10:12 am
Brandy,
I did better when they were younger. As family crisis’s, stress and a multitude of other things in life were thrown at us, it became easier to say “no”. Then we hit somewhat of a plateau in life. But “no” had become habit by then. Thus I continued in it. I am gradually returning to things I learned years ago : ) I encourage you to experiment and see how your children respond to saying, “yes”. I’m saying a prayer for you in this journey. May you experience the grace you need, if an adjustment in this area of your life is needed. Peace to you and your household!
Machelle recently posted…New Year’s Resolutions: Saying “Yes”
February 17, 2014 @ 8:16 pm
what a great reminder! I totally say NO all the time out of habit. I really must work on that too.
Rebecca Reid recently posted…Boost Your Blog Challenge…Begins!
February 18, 2014 @ 12:43 pm
Rebecca, the “no” habit is so easy to fall into! I have to daily remind myself to consider “yes” before jumping on the “no” bandwagon! Thanks for stopping by. When people comment here it helps keep me on track too!
Machelle recently posted…Looking Beyond the Surface: 100 Day Blog Challenge
February 19, 2014 @ 5:55 am
This sounds like a great resolution for all of you (it would be a good one for me too!). And that picture is adorable, by the way!
Emma @ P is for Preschooler recently posted…The Olympics, Oh Link Picks Linky Party #5
February 19, 2014 @ 7:09 am
Thank you Emma. It has been a great relationship builder. Though it is easy to fall back into the “No” mode : ( The picture is of my now 10 year old Joseph. He was about 2 at the time. Someone left his sister’s birthday cake on the table. He decided to ‘dig in’ literally!
Machelle recently posted…Valentine’s Day: A Change in Perspective
February 19, 2014 @ 8:21 pm
Oh, I say no too much too–especially about having friends over. I find that I have to check myself to see if my reasons are selfish or not….
February 20, 2014 @ 12:39 pm
Reflection is a good thing. If not, no worries. If so, adjust. Thanks for stopping by.
Machelle recently posted…Christmas Decorations Put Away
February 20, 2014 @ 12:12 pm
I catch myself saying “no” more than I would like to. I’m trying to change that and so far I think I’ve made some progress. A great New Year’s Resolution.
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February 20, 2014 @ 3:07 pm
Thank you. I am glad you stopped by!
Machelle recently posted…Christmas Decorations Put Away